now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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