the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
