i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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