You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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