What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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