Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Randomize
