her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
