I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
