I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i think i just lost a toe
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
