pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
