Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
