hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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