Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
