can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
