The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
