well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
