I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
don't judge my taste in strippers
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
