we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
