a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
