I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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