so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm too high and old for this...
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