Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
