did you get engaged???
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
