maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
