We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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