Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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