I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
