I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
