this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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