I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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