Your dad touched me again.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
