Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
True college students do jello shots in the library
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
