i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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