Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
