Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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