I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
