Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
