I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
