Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
