was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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