I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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