Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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