I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
