I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
