We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
