I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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