Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
