Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
