I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
