Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
