Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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