im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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