I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
