His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
4 words: hood of his car
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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