Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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