Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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