Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
