i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
