I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
